20.

Well , First things first.. Happy Birthday Boyfriend. Congratulations on finishing your teen age and turning some whole 20 today. (Oh yaa God,This is cheating) But then I have something for you below. Somethings i would like to copy from you just as 20 amazingly different things I absolutely love about you.
20.
(Bt well I guess I ve a Million more.)
1.)When he sings to me:- So let's start with something I adore the most most , and how well you know this. This Handsome fellow has some sort of soul in his voice which makes him the most most most attractive.Like I tld you 'Thairav' in those vocals of yours. And My God , when he sings to me making weird fluctuations to the lyrics of the song, all my worries seem to fly away wanting to listen to him forever.
Not forgetting,  when we are on calls and suddenly he is busy with some work and starts singing and murming some song skipping some lyrics not to be pronounced clearly , like just giving an effect to those words in middle of a call , it leaves me freezed on the other side of the call just wanting to listen to him sing until he speaks something really foolish after it. How unaware he is about how sexy it makes him. P.S :- I have almost all songs recorded by him in my favorite play list.
2.) His commitment:- How he considers himself to be the most luckiest boyfriend to have a girlfriend like me and reminding me this everyday is something that makes me the most happiest. How he tells me he wants to win me every day EVERYDAY and thats how he ll never lose me with all the efforts he makes to do everything a gentleman husband would do for his wife from opening doors to getting my scooty out of the parking lot to letting me ride the scooty  always to getting chilled water for me to college everytime and pulling chairs To somethings i ve even forgot to notice without even making me remind that he has done all sort of these things for me.
3.) His passion for photography:- Well , a topic out of my zero little interest... It doesn't not astonish only me bt other photographers too , how he can see something beautiful in everything and manages to click really amazing shots even with his phone (and no dslr). The excitement in him when he sees some good photographers work and the way he describes it to me using weird words like high exposure and aperture level and sharpness and what not.. Which bores me to an extent but definitely makes me proud and bragg about his work to other friends of mine. Oh god How much effort he takes to get somekind of click inspires me to be passionate about things we love. P.S I love those faces and poses he has to make when he is clicking a Photograph.
4.) His way of dressing up:- This male is a brand ambassador of plain and simple shirts. How much he hates swag. God, how do you manage to look so gentle and perfect with such minimalism in your dressing styles even. And how he wears the same thing i like almost every second day cause i ve told him to . Hahahha I love you.I love it when he puts a shirt or tshirt on himself freely sliding his neck and then the sleeves and adjusting it on his body with cute movements . Oh god, somethings he doesnt realise that makes him so gorgeous. 
P.S:- I simply love love love the part of his long neck that shows off with blur bones and veins when he wears a Shirt or a V neck.
5.) His way of undressing:- Hahahhaa .. Yeah men I love this too. I am in love with this gesture of his so so so much. You know, he is so unintentionally sexy while taking off his shirt. Like how how how do you. No gesture is better than this. He kind of pulls that lose thing off him with both hands and the neck first followed by sleeves and asdfghskkl. Gosh, I love it more the way he undresses me too. :P hehehee ..
P.S:- I ve short video of him taking off his shirt with me. And its my favourite. Like how do you even not realise how hot it is. My my.
6.)When he copies me:- Be it  the facial expressions or my way of walking or imitating me, He is the cutest.
How he repeats the same thing i ve said to see me irritated which he absolutely loves and tries to speak rubbish gujarati like me cause he finds it crazy. He will copy when me when i m making weird gestures during a  Hectic leacture Leave me stranded wanting to bite him and eat him up. Om nom nom nom...
P.S:- Its so adorable when he gets excited copying  some absurd Gujarati words I speak differently.
7.) His Smell:- His body odour is so so so so addictive and that i feel like sticking to him everywhere anywhere possible all the time. And upar se .. when he puts my favourite old spice deo and comes to college so fresh fresh like just after a good warm bath. I put my face on the curve of his neck and chest when he hugs me usually only wanting to be there for an hour more because of his smell. My clothes also smell like him when i return home and i never want to put them to wash.  How weirdly he sprays his deo all over the place and the body. Everything then smells like him and i dont understand what to do.
P.S:- He lets me use his deo everyday Oh I mean we share the same deo. I love you Old Spice Mens deo, you please never stop your production.
8.)When he makes love to me:-  Oh He gives me The 'I missed you so much' kind of hugs everyday everytime. That simply makes my day. And i should not say this but All I Want is to kiss him everyday everymoment. Nothing tastes better than him. Nothing. And how he kisses my forehead when I am nervous during exams and vivas and  makes love to me with his footsy. My only 11.11 wish is to cuddle with him everyday. ^^  Holding my hand with so much pride that he doesnt even let me write with it during lectures many a times.
P.S:- Whenever we are together(anywhere everywhere) he wants to wants to have his hand and foot or fingers touch me and somehow get the feel of my skin all the time. Oh how much i want the same tooooooo.
9.) His fetishes:- One things that i Totally admire is his goals and ambitions and fetishes of all time. To buy good pens and shoes and all those standardised items. To wanting to buy his mother everything she deserves. To spoiling his girlfriend with so much love everyday without fail. To becoming so much successful not only to buy expensive shit but to get himself respected by his parents and future in laws. To becoming a great photographer and a singer and what not. Wanting to buy everything that Justin Timberlake owns and wears. To going on weird adventures with me and so on on on
P.S:- So the point is I really respect the way he thinks and  create goals which arent baseless. This makes him real attractive.  His one fetish to propose to me along with dolphins one day is so asljkhbgdjdxa.
(I cant wait.)
9.) His blogs and messages:- Well i cannot describe even how he manages to write such beautiful  blogs especially on me. He is never out of words . He is never tired writing long long very long messages to me every second day just so that I wake up with the widest smile and blush. . Making me call him just  as soon as I wake up. (Sleepy voices are the best) .Every thing that he writes to me is better and better everytime. His choices of words .. No actually his perceptions and the way he sees and thinks is so different and appreciative that He can melt this extremely stubborn girl and unmad me just with a long text or blogs like '25'. He definitely is a boyfriend everybody else is jealous of.When he writes about me and talks about me in his blogs and to his friends unapologetically is something that wins a girl like me everytime.
P.S:- I ve read my favourite Blog '25' for actually more than 200 times. He has such power in his writing that can make even my friends cry and praise even if it written on me.
10.) His 'Yeaa obviously' Faces:- This stubborn fellow will make such obvious faces of agreement and approvement when I ask to him to  get some really odd job of mine done as of its his duty. Ask him to wait for 3 hours outside the theatre , he wont make a crib about it, happily he will  and then make those yeaa obviously faces which makes me want to kick him abd kisss me at the same time. Ask him to come to goregaon everyday just for 10 mins cause I miss him .. He will agree. I mean wtf?  Ask him to come home early just to talk to me in the night for may be 5 mins till i fell asleep, leaving everything behind he will. And not just once everyday.And then bite me and kiss me everywhere and use my things    ndwhen I get sort of angry and ask him Property or what .. He will still make that obvious face and say Haa , all Mine only no. What Esh? You re so funny ,stupid. Leaving me with a' WTF you will?' expression. He does that so so effing  cutely.
P.S:- His' thats my booty' face is so Adorable . Eat him up.
11.) His Neck:- Oh My My. His long fair neck that is so perfect in shape is the sexiest asset of his body. How it has blur bones and vein lines on it making me weak weaker weakest guilty pleasure biting it. (Ah I m not guilty actually). You will never understand how sexy it looks when you wear shirts with the topmost button opened.
P.S:- 'Can we make out please?' Is my everytime whisper to myself.
I absolutely love putting my face in that curve and blah blah blah :P
12.) His gentlemenhood:- So he wants to do everything that a gentle man does , be it telling me to call him when I reach home everyday, would always Pull up chairs and pick up bags and open doors and help me with my dress or hair and take care of ny belongings. But these things are surely not taken for granted. Every girl wants all of this. How he understands my mood swings and manages to unmad me even if I m being grumpy ,make up fpor everything say sorry even if its my fault and never talking to me with that bad language.
P.S:- He even takes care of my studies and my daily chores and keeps me reminding about them.
13.)His love for food:- This lean fellow uses 12 hours per day having food. After all , he eats a 8 course meal everyday in lunch. But then how much contentment it gives him and me when we are talking about his lunch with all the hormones and blood cells happily dancing and only talking about food. Food foood foood. How he manages to be hungry all the time. The frustation when he wants food keeps me 2 miles away from him. Wanting to make him a good meal some day soom in my life. Dont you laugh Hardik... Arghh ..
How cute is it when your boyfriend takes so much care about you that he  brings food for you too to college. May it be his love for coffee or mother made food or drinks or sweets .. He loves it all. How i love to admire him while he s eating.
P.S:- He s even good at cooking. And even cooks food for his family members regularly.How he wants to learn to cook everything and Fantasize himself eating some really amazing platters cooked by himself amazes me.
13.)His sarcasm:- His sarcasm which is always to the point no matter what. He s always got those witty answers when I ask his dumb questions. And how it likes to trap me at times with silly conversations. This is cheesy but I love it when he answers ' i ll show you ? What i can do .. come here come here now' 'Aaj toh I ll kiss you in front of all the teachers. . Dont hurt my ego'
P.S:- And when he laughs crooked smiled post a sarcastic answer I gotto admit he is the cutest human on earth.
The slightest of an expression on his face while he s sarcastic or humorous
Is visible so clearly even though he doesnt realise that.
14.)His Public display of affection:- Oh yes i wont deny but i love it when he flirts with me in front of our friends sometimes. . Cheesy but i fucking Fucking love it when hes always excited to see me hugs me tightly even 10th time in the same day. Appreciate me and spoil me and compliment me in every other way in front of his friends is something that flatter me the most. And still manage controlling and shouting at me by pampering me in Gujarati. How he always wants to be around me , and humorously speak up something funny or cute just so that I can reciprocate byhitting or kissing him.
P.S:-His  ' Ab uske paas girlfriend nai hai toh me kya karu. I love my girlfriend and i m going to be around her, prank with her, hold her 25/7' explanation is so flattering.
15.)His unnoticed habits:- Okay somethings you ve never realised and i ve never told you babe but I admire how you talk to your mom with such affection and how it depresses you if she s away from you. When you let me win , when you listen to MY friends, When you save money, when you   actually keep secrets,when you blush but kind of dont accept compliments, When you write blogs , and when your heart beats and when your muscle contracts and when your blood flows and when your cells regenerate hahahahhaa everything Hardik. More than this when you give up all your ego and male chauvinism when it comes to me and would go to any extents just to get me happy qnd content with him.
P.S:- And this when you make me go out of words( like today ).
16.)The way He calls me :- So this is my guiltiest pleasure. From Phalesha cut short to Esha to Esh , every time whem he calls me with such adorable voices repeatedly makes me so weak wanting to bite him and crush and kiss him all over .. how he loves to call me Ma'am and then talk all stupid stuff afterwards. Esh esh esh esh .. everywhere Esh. How much he loves My name.   
P.S:- A book filled up with only my name all over is insanity. ( No He is not at all cheesy . Okay agreed , when in love everything is cheesy to others But bleh.  )
17.) His Humbleness :- Total contradiction to me , I m always awestrucked by the  amount of patience level in him.His humble talks even if the other  person is talking bullshit or is his enemy is saluted. I cant be this.
P.S:- He can be good and appreciative to Engineering teachers also. Can you imagine ?
18.) His Non Mainstream attitude:- He likes it all simple. One line explanation. Oh yes be it the shirt color or a wedding dress  or a diamond ring or books for that sake even his Lifestyles.
P.S :- He believes he is ordinary and knows even the pleasure of eating an apple making the extra ordinary Take Care of its own.
19.) His late night calls:- No day is complete with out those late night phone calls ,without me talking to him  about my day , without me falling to sleep on calls itself. Now its an habit.
P.S:- We have to talk to each other by 10.30 pm or it makes us restless and a boyfriend who never lets his girl go sleep sad or mad is actually something really more worth than a Forever 21 or a Zara Gift from him.
20.) He is older to Me(11months) :- Weird but I totally totally Love to know the fact he is older to me which is why he s more mature keeping me stable throughout.
P.S:- Okay so At the end with such weirdest points its clear that I even love his inhales, exhales and the blinks of his eyes. I d  never trade him for everything in this world.
Happy 20 Birthday Boy.
Esh loves you♡

A letter to best friend.

Dear
Bestfriend,
So, I'm not even sure where to begin this letter really. Can I start off by saying that you are the only one I fear to lose? Because you are the most special asset I have for life. And just in case no one ever tells you that, I'm telling you. Many people don't really appreciate you as much as they should. I m really tge most proudest friend in this world.  Like... if there were such a thing as soul mates, you may actually be mine. You're the yolk to my egg , The real sister to my life , The Grace to my Stars.
Its like I dont  have  to talk to you daily to keep my bond but then i want to talk to you and make a call at the end of the day just describing you my day to which you will listen patiently. Our friendship has reached a state where we cannot offend each other but the thing is we will not offend each other. You get me ?
I originally wanted to write you a letter about why you re my best friend and saturate it with all the generic reasons and adorable anecdotes, but I m not
going to do that because you already know why you re my best friend, duh.
            But i guess I ll tell you what is the most appreciable thing , your attitude towards just satisfying yourself for pleasure and not worrying about what others will think about you ; like your way to dress up not for show off but because you yourself like it.
Your modesty is something I ll always try to inhibit in myself. Your humbleness shows how well brought up you are.
          Your love for your Mom is heartening.  I respect your dreams and lookout about every little emotion. Its different but  then thats the way you start accepting and respecting others right?
         I dont know if I understand your love for beige, for bollywood, for Hersheys, for ranveer, for deepika , for Matheran , for Pop and Dine , for paneer  but I m here to accept everything you love and desire to be. i love your family as if it were my
own, and i enjoy being so close to them. i can't imagine  You are the sister I never had and never expected.
           I respect the very fact that you like to print photos so that when we get old enough we can smile and cry on our silly past.
            You know the best thing about us ; it is that we both want to copy each others some aspects of lifestyle and no ego  is affecting this , no fear of losing our originality. I love to copy you and I will always want to do so. There is not even a single pound of jealousy towards you. People ask me ," arent you jealous when she scores more than you do ? "To which I reply "  Didnt I tell you whatever i score near to her is because of her. " I accept I was an average student. I required some kind of push to my potential and I m proud that you gave me that. I respect when you share your knowledge with everybody rather than just keeping it to yourself.
             I ve already written 19 letters to you. But the thing is I can write 19 more.
I love bragging about you to everybody i meet. My college friends already think that nothing will enter my stubborn mind unless Trusha tells her. And I guess it's true. Your advice may not always be the right one but it is definitely going to be favoring me and good for me. Thank you.
            You know there are hardly any people in this world who can manage to dance rowdily in a visarjan and top Maharshtra in Mbbs. And I m proudest about this. Your grounded nature is something that will take you to the Moon one day.
              Our friendship has reached such a state where you can just ring up to her and tell her I liked a new quote of a book or I ve made a terrible mistake while baking a cake or just may be get all changes from my wallet and ask people whether they need change instead of big notes without each others permission. :P
And that day I really felt tht we ve crossed
 all the railings of lifelong friendship successfully.
And the very fact that we cannot keep surprises for each other cause you are way too excited about it that you want to tell it to your best friend even though the surprise is for each other. Hahaha.. its so difficult to hide any emotion from each other. It is this assurance that your best friend is always going to be there to feel your every emotion equally.
       You are that one person whose existence   makes me feel less lonely in this psycho, crazy world. And with whom
the silences are never awkward.
You know exactly how incredibly
immature I can act sometimes. Thank
you for not judging me when I did
something really stupid, but also
thanks for telling me I was an idiot and
probably shouldn't have done it in the
first place. You are someone I could never replace for anything in life.
       Everyone deserves a best friend, there's no doubt about that. I can only hope that everyone is as lucky as I am. I've always wished for a sister, I just never knew that I'd be able to pick her out. You just love me like it's your job, and I hope you never stop. And this is why I feel so proud telling others that I have only 1 best friend.  But cause I m doing it right 1 is enough.
     If our past and present adventures is any clue to what our future would bring, we're in for a hell of a ride.

With love,
Your best friend ^^
            
           

A letter from best friend.

So this girl of mine wrote me the following letter. You know you feel so amazing when your best friend writes to you. This is what she wrote ;

Dear phalu,
Sometimes I wonder exactly what is the connection between the two of us?  May be the 7 years of togetherness has helped us to be still together even if we are differently similar. Whatever it is , Babe , admist the whole lot, I like you a lot! Really! So much that my college friends already know you well , even if they havent seen or met you.
My whatsapp wallpaper is you and me or my Insta acvount that should be renamed Trusha  More (sharing pics only with Phalesha Rawal). And I dont think any more proof required for that; you already know it very well.
             I can sit with you for long years, absolutely doing nothing, as we did this afternoon, without getting bored. I can predictas to what you are going to say next, admist a casual conversation.  I respect that you listen to me and let me speak, even ifits utter nonsense.  I know what your reaction Will be when i choose  beige ober black color . I know that you have amazing quality of getting along with unknown people. I know when yiu are wearing a fake smile or when you are genuinely happy. I feel extremely happy when you openly declare that you have only one best friend. I understand your quality of being melodramatic and that you will  a surely hype  situation  that you are describing.            
             I get to  know when you are sad or heart broken, and you need your space to recover. I love the fact that you dont like spoiling somebody else's dat and so you wear a smile, even if you are actually not wantinh to do it. I appreciate when you notice small things in a song, which we fail to do . I know you can cry even on a dumbest emotional scene from  a movie.  I love your liking for eggs , for bollywood, for TFIOS, for John green Quotes, For stalking somebody else's profile, For Deepika, for dogs, for black, for grey! I understand your love and respect for your Dad.
       I love it when we don't nned to decide the menu when we go to a restaurant;  cause in our minds  we already know what we are going to order. I like it when you fearlessly say "Trusha , this isnt looking good! Just dont buy it."  I like it when you laugh at my stupidities and say I m unfit     for being Maharashtra Topper.
             I fear ghosts; you very well know that : and so I put into practice your belief of chanting the Gayatri Mantra  ; atleast it gives you momentaty courage to be strong .
I love it when you say "Trusha please don't sing. You are pathetic at it "
             We are not jealous of each other. I know and accept yor are much smarter than me and Babe  I seriously dont feel bad  even if you are Good at  somethings  than me.  Not even a single bit of jealousy comes to mind.  I swear.
I  imagine had you been in medical   or I been in Engineering college; had things  been the same  ? May be better , may be worst .   Whatever it would be, it would have been fun. I am sure I would have enjoyed it as much as i m doing it now.
              My Liking for you makes me like you even more, every next I am with you.  Babe you are my soul sister and i acctually mean it. And I dont want to regret not thanking you for being there in my life. Babe, I love you and will continue to love you till one of us stops breathing. May we have manyore experiences to relish for lifetime and share with our Gen-Next. You and I will always be US -Forever.
           Your life is worth everything when your when your imperfections are loved by your best friend.  Our friendship has reached such a state that you dont doubt a forever. The perfect Grace to my Stars.
I love you best friend.

That one song.

Well this blog is about that one song we all are stuck at. That one song which makes all the little butterflies in your body go happy. Well I ll tell you my story. I m already in love with this blog.  
Yesterday my MP3 player was fucked up.
Why? Well, you see,  It just hanged and played only one song half of the day.
And that is when I felt billion emotions listening to that song.
Anyway, as I was riding my scooty way to home, I listened  to my mp3 player and all it played was that one song. I was :| and it was totally annoying since we
talked about that person earlier at Trusha's house. 
Thank God I reached home before another song played. I was feeling feverish as well so I just lied on my bed and eased my fever off. It was all a WTF  feeling. You get me ?
That  lyrics of that song made me nostalgic about all the events taking place in my life.
I am really haunted with this song and I want to hear this everyday and it makes me feel so happy even if that
someone abandoned me.. Do i seem pitiful? ahaha but really, this is a feel good song that when you are sang with
this, it would make you feel weak and run back again to the person you love  themost. This is so true, one word from
him, i think i would run back to him while I m listening to this song.
But you know what ? This is okay. This is something you smile and let the all the feelings feel emotional. Not that i miss everything. Just that I dont regret any second in my past.To say that I've let my feelings get the best of me would be an understatement. The head versus heart battle inside me is so one-sided that if it wasn't thankfully keeping me alive and functioning, I'm sure
my brain would have detached itself days ago.
I know to a certain extent, I need to not let things get to me as much as they do. But I really enjoy the aspect of my personality that allows me to find a deeper meaning in simple things. May it be the lyrics and music of a very unknown song to me.It's
because of that I'm able to love myself and love people around me so much.Infact love everything in my life so much .
This is just me being sassy about how I've always been the sensitive type. Whether or not that's a good       
thing or a bad thing is beside the point, but I felt like addressing it the best way I know how to.
All I want to say that breathe all the happiness and emotions the song can give you. They are the simple pleasures of life.
The song is Pehli baar mohobbat ki hai -Kaminey.
Favourite lines :-
Aankhein doobi doobi si surmayee madham,
Jheelen paani paani hai bass tum aur hum,
Hmmm baat badi hairat ki hai,
Pehli baar mohabbat ki hai,
Aakhiri baar mohabbat ki hai.

Eventually , everything will connect.

So do you think the universie fights for two souls to be together ? No na. Then why will destiny and fate decide this? Its you who has to decide. Rest will take care.
"What's the world's greatest lie?... It's this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose
control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate."
Its you who has to make an effort to bring back or let go. Its your take on it.
Its not about being fake. Its not about the pain inside. Its not about time heal. Its not about forever. Its about realising how your love and respect vanishes in a single day. How terrible can our souls be ? 
Its about realisation
that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny."
And please Destiny is not in your hand. Future is not in your hand. The only thing that can be controlled by you is your mind, your way to get out of it or get back to it.
Somethings are too strong to be coincidences.
And one day you will be grateful that things didn't work out the way you wanted them to.
"I've witnessed,... the gradual collapse of
my life, the slow foundering of all I wanted to be... Fate has always tried to make me love or want things just so that it could show me, on the very next day, that I didn't have and could never have them."
It's not about fooling yourself. Its about respecting your feelings. It may take time to get over but you are stronger than you think you are only if you want to be.
Cause may be the reason of the event might not be accepatable to you now , bt rather some day later in near future. Wait for that sunrise.

You never know when the bus is coming.

I love being horribly straightforward. I love sending reckless text messages and telling people I love them and telling people they are absolutely magical humans and I cannot believe they really do exist. I love saying, "Kiss me" and "You're a good person," and, "You brighten my day" or "I miss him." I live my life as straightforward as possible.                     
Because one day, I might get hit by a bus.                                      
Maybe its weird. Maybe its scary.
But there is nothing more beautiful than being Honest.
There's nothing wrong in accepting you miss him when he's no more in your life, also there's nothing wrong to get up and get stronger.     
I am not saying that everything is survivable .. Just that everything except the last thing is. Being adamant and stubborn may not be in your hand but what you want from life should be Clear in your mind. This happens. Cause you dont want to ruin your and somebody else's life. Its okay. It really is. Let go cause its tough to do so. Not to prove but to be in peace.
The world may be broken but hope is not crazy.                   
We are young and we are human and we are beautiful and we are not as in control as we think we are. We never know who needs us back. We never know what miracle might happen.                           We never know when the bus is coming.

I'm a mess.

I m a mess
I m so lost as of now.
I m caught between two contradicting
emotions without the ability to decide which
is in the right.
Do you love me? Do you care? Why should I
love you? Why should I care?
I shouldnt—I know that—but here I am; lost
without you; wondering if you think of me
nowadays; running over every what-if there is;
and of crying myself to sleep.
I dont think you deserve my love and the time
Ive given you, but I cant help it. You could love me like nobody else could.
I'm still in love with you somehow.  I never thought this, but
here I am. I know things werent, arent, and
will never be right, but you were my first real
love.
"And boy i did love you."
But its seemingly over. I've changed.
Everything's changed. I can't love you.
Even if you tried I don't know if we can be
friends.
I'm anxious. So anxious. I ve no idea of life.Totally dependent on destiny taking me out somewhere atleast.
Loving you was the best thing ever happening to me.
It concerns me that you have no idea just how
FUCKING GORGEOUS YOU ARE. INSIDE AND
OUT.I adore the things you keep trying to hide when you sang to me.
Your audios are the only thing playing on my cellphone and on myself too.
:) Here I m.A big mess of feelings. In the middle of the night.
And I m an utter mess over a boy.
Does he know how much I think of him? Does
he know how much I hate him? Does he know how much I once yearned to hear from him?
Does he know how emotionless I feel?
Hurt? Hateful? Foolish?
Its sad. I don't know what's sadder: realizing
your love can disintegrate so quickly for
someone or that their's can.I really did love you.
But now? I dont work that way.
I know it hasnt been that long and I shouldnt
come to harsh conclusions so quickly but its
just that..
It has been that long.
That much has changed.
I've been hurt.
And I won't forget.
Because we never do, do we? I'm caught
between two contradicting emotions: love
and hate. Im caught between two places: that
of continuing to love you and that of giving a
definite goodbye. Im caught between two
sets of memories; those were I felt you loved
me and those were I felt slighted by your hand.
I don't know if you'll ever see this. Half of me
hopes you do. The other hopes you never
hear from me again.
But. If you are.
And if you care.
I'd get my shit together because I'm halfway
gone.
The question isn't whether you care for me or
not—I've made up my mind for the most part
in regard to that—its whether you're the
person I thought you were and have the guts
to speak the truth.
may be i leave this for time to heal. Or waiting for a miracle to happen to my feelings.